I home practised today having got up too late to go to any of the Sunday drop-in options, I left it until about 5.30 but had had a cup of tea mid afternoon after a bitterly frozen walk to buy fruit, so the tea kind of sloshed around in my stomach.
I had the monkey mind during practice, as always although I do find it worse at home, well the mind wandering is worse, I think If I’m honest that the driste wandering in the shala is worse so maybe it’s all equal?
I have observed about myself that I seem to be in this state at the moment where I find it difficult to sit and not be doing something, so that when I get out of work instead of just walking home I feel compelled to call people on the moblie or listen to the ipod just to have something and to settle my agitation, but then I feel bad about calling my friends or mother just to soothe my agitation (confession I think my mother gets it a lot here due to availability). I think this is a new thing I don’t remember being like this in the past say five years ago? but think it’s been around for the last 18 months at least. I think I would kind of like to stop it but I almost feel I have to learn somehow how to relax or like the say for babies to self-soothe – have I somehow regressed on the lesson of how to do this, interestingly I also have the same problem if I wake-up in the middle of the night where I can’t get back to sleep as I don’t feel soothed, I want to read or listen to the radio which doesn’t really fit with the BF who is obviously asleep at this time.
This morning I was grumpier than ever having been kept awake by the banging neighbours all night grr… I have been keeping the monkey mind at bay by attempting to properly learn the chant on the way to work by listening to richard freeman on repeat for the whole walk, i felt quite calmed by the end
There are just too many distractions at home. In the shala things come to mind, but its easier to dismiss them as you cant mostly act on them, where as at home you can write that note, check your e-mail, send a text etc. At home there are too many things to distract the drishte, at the shala, Cary and Cat always seem to be there to remind me when my drishte has wavered.
Kevin, funnily enough I would have to admit to a wandering driste watching others practice at the shala (bad yogi!), where as at home I get the “stop now”, “it’s too much” “it’s too hard” “it’s too boring thoughts”, I think you’re right though I do have those thoughts at the shala but the thoughts of just stopping in the middle of the sun salutation B in front of H is just too cringe worthy… just a thought is the driste just the gaze or does it refer to the direction of the mind too, I’m not sure?
I also find it difficult to sit or walk and not be doing something with the mind. The biggest challenge for me is doing mechanical physical tasks like getting dressed without wanting to multi-task. I think “oh, I’ll just read this news report while I get dressed”, but then fifteen minutes later I’m somewhere deep in Internetland and still sitting in my underwear! I’m really trying to work on this at the moment. I do allow myself to listen to chants and religious music when I’m walking, though, and to read on the train, because otherwise I end up not listening to music or reading much at all, and I think the spiritual benefits of fitting it in somewhere outweigh the ill-effects of not being fully present. For the moment, anyway!
I don’t so much watch others, I just don’t focus where I am supposed to, Cary waits for me to be in Matysasana and Utana P, she stands there pointing at her nose, reminding me the drishte should be the end of my nose. I think the drishte is the gaze, not sure if there is a name for where the mind should be.
I find the sun salutations the hardest part, being in Downdog thinking, do I really want to be here, I’m stiff, I wish I was still in bed etc. But once I get into the actual postures I’m fine.