Where have I been, well the answer is really that I’m not really sure, for a year somehow I lost the impulsion to practice, I’m not sure if it was the new relationship, work (which certainly made it hard geographically to visit the shala) but really it seemed it was something more weird.
I’m not sure how to explain this but I got scared of it, yoga that is, and when I started back I was trembling on my way to the shala, and there still is an intense fear about it which I can’t explain and seems odd and weird. The fear is not there so much actually in practice, except in the upper back twists when I feel it (they have stiffened up a lot too), but on the way to the shala or in bed before getting up. It’s like normal resistance times ten at least.
I have this hunch (weird belief feeling) that it’s all as there is something stuck emotionally and I don’t want to unstick it, or am scared of un-sticking it, well that’s my theory anyway. Funnily I had a complete melt down about various other emotional things and since then, about the last three weeks suddenly I can practice again, and it seems easy for the moment. It was funny this melt down led to me thinking that somehow I had not released things, and I needed yoga to do this, and that I should just get over my fear and then spontaneously somehow it happened. I just got up one morning and went back to the shala. Wonder if I couldn’t bare the stripping bare of the practice?
Sadly after all that neglect and about a stone of extra weight I’ve lost some poses and flexibility, I’m back to a struggle with Mari C, but then the effect is good, joyful and feels in motion, I feel that I am gaining flexibility again, the Shala is a happy place for me again.
Welcome back to the mat